In 2009, I wrote a long-winded note to Robert regarding my complete disdain for the thought of ever having to have children and the “death” of my dreams and life that children would bring. Part of that note read “I in no way desire that at all in any fiber of my being. I might could come to grips of having to have kids if only you would admit even half of how drastically our lives would go downhill after we have them.”
Now, being two weeks away from Urijah’s 4-year birthday, I look back at that diary entry and I cry with appreciation because of God’s sovereignty in doing in my life what He desired and not what I thought I wanted.
My life didn’t go downhill. My dreams didn’t die. My life hasn’t ended. Quite the extreme opposite in fact. I can’t imagine ever being happy without Urijah in my life. Urijah’s entry into the world has logistically given way to my dreams and given me motivation to set an example of what it looks like to live life for a purpose and not to ever give up….not to mention a slew of other things that Urijah has taught me. I still didn’t become the typical mom by any means, but because of Urijah, I am a better person and have the opportunity to love beyond what I ever thought was possible.
And it’s just further evidence and stands testimony to the fact that GOD KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR US. If we truly want joy in our lives, we MUST learn to let go of what we think we want and our own preconceived notions of how things work in this world to get what we think we want. We must learn to let go of ourselves and our “dreams” and allow God to do what He wants in our lives. It truly is the only way to true happiness.
